Same s*!t, Different Day

A review of "Evil in a Good Way"
by Konstantin Levin

10 months ago, I wrote a review of the thoroughly insipid, hollow, and utterly meaningless Russell David album "Friends are Friends Forever." I warned you not to listen. I warned you not to encourage the "Simple Music" machine in its assault on the aesthetic sensibility of planet Earth. Many of you heard my call, and have ignored Russell David. While helpful, this is no longer enough. With the release of David's eighth album "Evil in a Good Way," my call for action becomes an urgent battle cry. The citizens of the world must unite! We must stop this mad "music" maker, drunken with the power of modern technology, bent on destroying the peace, quiet, and beauty of the world around us.

"Evil in a Good Way" is an assault on all things decent. From start to finish, the entire project is a big piece of s*!t. I beg your pardon for my crude language, but my use is purposeful, meant to jar you into understanding. This is an emergency of conscience.

For those of you committed to the concepts, of life, beauty, mathematics, philosophy, truth, and the capitalist way of life, there is no more time for silent protestation. We must take our grievances to the street. Despite his effusive overstatement, Russell David does not have "feelings" like real humans. He is not sensitive to those around him, and is not concerned for those unable to appreciate his strained, elementary, excuse for music. This has been proven time and time again. When David's friends and neighbors politely communicate that he is a loser, without any purpose or hope of bettering himself, he continues on, unmoved. When David''s closest friends whisper, "You are a selfish, stupid, bastard," he simply stares ahead, unphased, arrogant, resolute. He continues writing songs, recording them, and sending free cd's out into the world! Why!?!?

Russell David is a strange freak of nature - a man who views himself above the social order, able to transcend the God given economic laws, free to create and foist an "art" upon the world that we would all rather not be subjected to. It's time for this to stop. Enough is enough. There can be no reasoning with a psyche this lost in delusive psychosis. As the character of Malcolm (portrayed by Jeff Goldblum) warns the makers of Jurassic Park in the original feature film, "Jurassic Park," directed by Steven Spielberg*: "You're so busy wondering if you could [make a new album of meaningless songs], you never bothered to ask if you should [make a new album of meaningless songs]." (Dialog paraphrased, bracketed text added, property of K. Levin).

The situation we find ourselves in is no less dire or traumatic than that lawyer being pulled off of his toilet seat by an evil and hungry T-Rex. We - you and me - the people - can avoid such a disaster. But we must act now!

But what can I do?

This question is the first step.

You have the power to change the course of history! Yes, you, working in suburban bureaucracy, or hunting gazelle in Sub-Saharan Africa; you, operating a gondola in Venice, or cleaning a loo in London; you, pulling a rickshaw in Rienjsheng, or catching Alaskan salmon in Alaska. You can save the world! You can. You are not helpless!


If you are a police officer or other civil authority:

Arrest Russell David for disturbing the peace. Find him, trump up charges if need be. Whatever the cost, he must be stopped. If you do find him, make sure to hit him on the head very hard with a blunt object (try your night stick, a brick, or a squad car). Make sure he realizes the purpose of the assault. Say something like, "You're receiving this beating because you suck at making music. Stop the songs, and I'll stop the pain."

If you are a legislator, member of parliament, or other elected official:

Being a mindless son-of-a-bit*h may still be legal in your country. If so, outlaw pretense. This will effectively ban all Russell David music from your country.

If you work for a major utlility:

Simple Music has one Achilles heel: CD recording apparatus and cheap little 4-track recorders need electricity. With some research, it should be "simple" (no pun intended) to locate the exact location of the Simple Music studio on the power grid, and stop the evil empire at its source.

If you are a jet fighter pilot for the military:

A well planned strategic missile strike could be the answer. Hijack a plane, several tons of high energy (preferably nuclear) explosive, and use your satellite telemetry devices to locate and surgically remove Simple Music from the face of the planet.

If you are a professional hit man, mercenary, serial killer, sociopath or other variation of psychotic madperson:

Stalk Russell David and kill him in cold blood. This is a ruthless solution, but the peace of the world stands in the balance. If possible, use the most painful method imaginable. He deserves it.

If you are a scientist, or some other smart person:

Create a unique virus that will only kill Russell David, or a unique virus that make his vocal chords dissolve, or a unique virus that will cause his guitar strumming had to become useless. Any of these unique viruses would put an end to our problem.

These are just a few ideas. There are many more. Examine your life situation, and be creative! Use your unique position in the global hierarchy to undermine Russell David in every way possible. Above all, talk to your friends and neighbors. Communicate. Start a local "We hate Russell David and all he stands for" support/action group. Make a difference for now, and the future of all human civilization. The future is up to you.

* = I hear the new Jurassic Park (III) is even better than the original! More teeth, more blood, more fun! Check it out! It's in theatres this summer! You can't go wrong with a Spielberg production!

Konstantin Levin lives and works in Praque, Czech Republic. He is a freelance writer, lover of freedom, and appreciator of all things beautiful.